Wholesome Baker Woman
    Life Coaching

Bake, Cook, Live, Love

My name is Simone! I am known as Wholesome Baker Woman and I feel so very excited  that you have found your way to my website! I am a Life Development Instructor or personal coach, to simplify it a bit. I love passing on the knowledge and wisdom I acquired along my personal journey through life and helping others, who find themselves in similar situations as mine in the past, to  also find success, happiness and wealth. My life had by no means previously been what anyone would class as a total disaster, but for over 2 decades I had struggled with one personal tragedy after another, countless bad decisions, depression, anxiety and panic attacks, one unsuccessful career after another and the simply feeling unfulfilled. I would often feel like I was a very ungrateful person, after all, I have 3 fantastic children and a devoted and loving husband. Shouldn't that be enough in life? Let me tell you a little story!
When I was 14 years old, my greatest passion was music and singing. I had fallen madly in love with music at the age of 13 with Bon Jovi's album Keep The Faith. I literally became obsessed with their music, the story behind the band and how Jon Bon Jovi had only ever wanted to one thing in life and that was to be a rock star! Every day, I would listen to their music, sing along, with everything I had to give and I started to share the same dream Jon Bon Jovi once had. I wanted to become a singer! I loved music so much, I can't even put into words how much it meant to me! I was determined, I had to become a professional singer.
Unfortunately I was also at that age, when as a girl, you reluctantly start to admit that boys aren't all annoying. That age, when you have your first proper crush and all you do, is spend all day, every day talking about said crush and what he was wearing the last time you saw him and how cute he looked. You spend a vast amount of time analysing each look he gave you that day, what he said to you and whether that could possibly mean he likes you or not.
It was the late April and I went for a sleepover at my friend's house. When I arrived there, with my sleeping bag in tow, she informed me her twin brother had unfortunately also invited a bunch of his own mates round for a sleepover that night. Thankfully, her brother and his friends were going to set up camp in a tent in the back garden.
My friend's bedroom was at the back of the house, looking out over the garden and after we had eaten our pizza, we went to her room to chat. Her brother and his mates meanwhile were gathered around their tent in the garden, goofing around, being boys, I guess. One of the guys came over and knocked on the window. I remember my friend huffed and sighed in response, as to her these were just her annoying brother's even more annoying mates, who she frequently had to put up with. "Why don't you come on outside and hang out with us for a bit?!" another boy shouted. My friend and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and agreed to go outside for a bit.
We walked round the back of the house, where the guy who had knocked on the window introduced himself and the others to me.
"And this is Steven!" he said pointing at a blond guy, wearing a Chicago Bulls cap, sitting in a chair outside the tent. He looked up at me with a cheeky little smile and said, "Hi Simone! Come on over and sit down for a bit!" I glanced at my friend, who again just shrugged her shoulders, so as to say "It's up to you!", whilst she grabbed a bat and joined in with some others, who were playing a round of table tennis.
"Thanks!" I replied, as Steven pulled up a chair next to him and patted his hand on the seat, signalling me to sit down. We began to chat, about everything and nothing! School, hobbies, girls and boys, the usual.
"Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked me.
"No, I haven't." I replied. "What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?"
He sighed and said "I did, yes, but it's kind of not working, so we've decided to break up."
"I am sorry to hear that, Steven!" I said.
"Nah, it's alright! It's better that way." he replied, while looking up at me with a little smile.
We continued to talking, whilst looking at the stars and just hanging out. I remember thinking, he was really funny, very cute and so incredibly cool. The others, including my friend, kept smirking at us, as they obviously noticed we had hit it off a bit and as the others were getting goofier by the minute, Steven suggested to go head over to a more quiet part of the garden, to chat. Yeah, I know what you are all thinking: "What and you believed that?!" And yes, I probably did.
Suddenly, when nobody was watching Steven leaned over to me, gently pulled me closer and whispered,
"You're really pretty, do you know that?"
I remember the blood rushing to my face, the butterflies in my stomach and trying to come up with an answer to that, despite the fact that my mind had kind of been sent on vacation with those words.
I started mumbling "Thank you, I ehrm...", but I didn't get any further, as he quickly leaned in even further and kissed me! HE KISSED ME! MY FIRST, EVER, PROPER KISS! I can still remember staring into his vivid blue eyes and the cheeky smile on his face, when he stopped to look at me. Wow, so this was what everybody had always been talking about! The magical first kiss!
I swear, my friends mum could sense it, as it was at that very moment she appeared in the garden and told us all it was time to settle down for the night now. Steven waited until she had gone back in the house, kissed me again and said, "I'll see you in the morning then, Ok?"
I nodded, smiled and quickly caught up with my friend, who was already on her way back inside the house.
Needless to say, I barely slept that night! I was so excited and couldn't wait to see him again in the morning!
The next day came and we spent a couple of hours together in the garden, chatting and laughing. He kissed me once more, before he had to head off for a football game he was playing that afternoon. Steven gave me his number and told me to give him a ring the next day.
My mind was a whirlwind. I felt so happy and I couldn't wait to talk to him on the phone the next day. I went home that night on an absolute high. I just couldn't stop smiling!
I hadn't been home long, when the phone rang. I answered it, "Hello?"
A voice I didn't recognise said,
"Are you Simone?"
"Yes, that's me. Who are you?" I replied.
"My name is Aviva and I am Steven's girlfriend! We have not broken up! I don't know what he told you, but it isn't true!" the girl said.
I was confused, I didn't understand how this was happening. We had had such a great time together! Just as I began to feel sorry for myself and for her, as I thought she had been tricked by him as well, she continued,
"He is my boyfriend and I want you to keep your hands off him. Don't ever dare to ever contact him again! I don't know what you were thinking, but he could never fancy a girl like you! Just look at yourself, you're way to fat anyway! Don't ever speak to him again!".
And with those words she hung up.
I stood there for a few seconds, just holding on to the phone and staring into thin air in disbelief, whilst the feeling of hurt, embarrassment and shame were wrenching my stomach. Not only had I been tricked by Steven into believing he really liked me, but I felt ugly and fat, because of what the girl had just said to me! For the first time in my life I felt completely and utterly inadequate! I felt, I wasn't good enough, worthless!
Let me continue first by saying I was not fat at all! I was what I would call a healthy size. I wasn't chubby, nor was I skinny! Up until that day, I had always thought, I was just right. No, hang on! Up until that day, I had never even given my body shape or figure any thought whatsoever! My looks had never even crossed my mind prior to that phone call. I wore what I liked, I ate what I liked and when I liked to and I was happy that way! Within a matter of minutes and this one phone call, everything had changed!
For the next few days, I genuinely didn't have an appetite and in the months that followed, I had managed to reduce my weight by around 16 pounds!!! My life had gone from being just an average, happy go lucky teenager, to being a calorie counting, depressed and image obsessed mess! On a daily basis, I had to listen to my parents nagging me to eat. Crikey, I can even recall my dad running after me with a bowl of Tortellini as his "weapon of choice" to try and make me eat one day.
I won't bore you with the complete history of my eating disorder over the years and the battle against my distortet self concept, which could be summed up as a series of ups and downs in body weight and frankly basing my self worth on the reflection I thought was staring back at me in the mirror.
Worse still, from that very day of the "fateful" phone call onwards, I had seemingly lost all my self belief and just accepted everything anybody said to me ABOUT ME, without scrutiny or taking the time to analyse any information I was given! Just to name you a few examples:
- As you know, I had always dreamt of becoming a singer, but when my mum told me it wasn't a proper job and I needed a "regular" career, I just accepted it and abandoned my plans.
- When my first husband and I split up and he told me, I would live a life in poverty without him and never earn a decent income or make anything out of myself, I somehow accepted that as my future.
- When I was suffering from post natal depression after having my eldest daughter, I asked my psychologist if I was ever going recover from it fully, to which he replied, I would probably be able to make it "manageable", but it would be with me forever and I believed him that I would be stuck with the depression for the rest of my life.
And in true resonance with that kind of attitude towards myself, it is needless to say, I wasn't reaping many rewards in certain areas of my life. Please don't get me wrong, my life was certainly not a total disaster, but it seemed, whenever things were looking up for me, something bad was lurking just around the corner, seemingly as a form of punishment.
For a very long time, I think, I had just accepted, that this is what my life was supposed to be like.
I thought, life was just about dealing with whatever cards you were dealt. After all, isn't that what everybody else does, too, while only the privileged few get to choose what happens to them in life?! Fast forward until late last year, when I was finally forced to close my specialist bakery business due to an increasing financial loss, despite people always telling me it was very popular and apparently in high demand. I had worked so hard, throughout the whole time of running my bakery and yet, after only 2 1/2 years, I had lost my business, we were financially struggling and all of it was putting a terrible strain on my health.
I didn't know what else to do anymore or which way to turn. So I started meditating! Yes, I had never even tried meditation before, but I figured in my situation, I had nothing to lose. I mainly did that to relieve the symptoms of anxiety, which had become near overwhelming with all the stress of losing my business and financial pressure. Not just did it calm my mind, but it seemed to clear my mind, too. It helped me to see things in a different light and more clearly. One day whilst meditating, I began to wonder, what if it was me who was causing all the misfortune? What if it was not just fate and I was simply just doing something fundamentally wrong in life? What if there is nothing or nobody else to blame, but myself?
I would love to pinpoint the exact moment in time, at which the turning point came and paint a mentally inspiring picture for you, of where I was sitting, what kind of herbal tea I was sipping, which article it was I had stumbled across that day, but the fact is, I simply can't remember! All I can recall, is reading something about the law of attraction on Pinterest (yes, I love Pinterest) and it was like somebody had finally flicked the switch for me! Suddenly everything made sense to me.
I had spent all these years focusing on the negativity in my life, waiting for "the bad just around the corner" to happen to me. I had spent over 20 YEARS!!! believing other people, when they would tell me what I could and couldn't succeed in and what it was I should be doing instead, because it was the more sensible, the more traditional, the more average thing to do. I had spent all that time, thinking I had no control over my life and what happens to me at all.
In reality, it was that very reason, why my life had been average, with all the problems that average life brings with itself and why my life had been nothing like the things I had always imagined when I was younger.
As I sat there contemplating, with all these incredible revelations unwinding in my mind, I remembered all the dreams and aspirations I used to have, I remembered how I had always dreamt of being a singer, a star! I tried to understand, why and when I had stopped "being me" and stopped dreaming big. I retraced my journey backwards on the 20+ year downward spiral, which had brought me to this exact point in time, right back to the beginning of it and it was there that I found myself standing in my parents living room, at the age of 14, with the telephone in hand, staring into thin air, feeling hurt, inadequate and worthless.
In all those years I had never really thought about that day, in fact I had completely forgotten about it and I certainly never realised the profound effect it actually had on me and how I had changed the last 20+ years of my life.
Now I know what most people are going to think: How did such a fairly "normal" teenage experience, even if not nice, hit her so hard and change more than two decades of her life? Exactly, that is what I couldn't understand either! I was happy, that I had managed to trace my steps back to that fateful day and identify it as the reason behind me not standing up for myself for so long, but how did that event manage to get so deep into my mind, my very being, my subconscious? There had to be more to it! I continued my quest and devoured any book, article or video, which might help me find out why I had such a deeply engrained lack of self-worth, while on the outside I had somehow managed to sustain a very confident image. I tried various tests, experiments and exercises, all promising to find the root cause of all my problems. Some were an absolute waste of time and I would feel disheartened, thinking I would never be able to find out what I wanted to know. Others were an eye-opener and allowed to me slowly, but surely peel back the layers further and further, until I eventually found what I was looking for. I had been expecting this really emotional highlight in my search. I had envisioned myself sitting there, sobbing and crying in relief after finally uncovering my hidden, secret source of all my emotional ballast. To my astonishment, I felt surprised, even slightly bewildered, but most important of all, I felt empowered. I am sure by now you are probably very curious to find out what it was that had been reeking havoc in my life for so long. My search took me back to my childhood, which I had previously always considered a pretty happy and average childhood and most of the time it probably had been exactly that! However, I discovered, how from a very young age, I had started feeling inadequate and worth less than others. When I was growing up, we were a British family living in Germany in the 80s and 90s and while a lot of people were very nice and didn't really treat us much different, a significant number of people judged us, because we were foreigners, we were a family with 4 children in a society in which most families only had 2 children and anybody with more children was generally seen as scum. I remember some people saying things like
"Do your parents not have a TV?!" implying having children is their favourite pastime. I remember how kids would like playing with me, until their parents had a word with them at home about my "background" and things would usually change. I was also around 3 years younger than the majority of kids living in our neighbourhood, so I was generally seen as the "tag along" and the few kids who were my age wouldn't come out to play with me very often, as their parents didn't see me as a suitable company for their little angels, due to my "background". Throughout my life, my nationality and the fact that I had lived in a different country for so long had silently and sneakily caused me to feel like a second class person and that any people outside my family and my closest friends only spent time with me out of either pity or because they were being polite. Unfortunately I didn't know how to put this into words when I was younger and therefore wasn't able to talk to anybody about it. Over time, this feeling of being a "second class" person built up more and more, until my subconscious eventually just accepted that nobody truly liked me and even if somebody at first seemed nice enough towards me, it was only going to be a matter of time until they would get to know me properly and they would then dislike me once they knew the true me! In short, I had convinced my self deep down inside, that I wasn't a likeable person, that there was nothing interesting about me and in fact I was very boring!
I can honestly say, I had no idea that those feelings and thoughts had been "festering" inside me all those years and were inevitably the reason behind all the lack, hurt and failure throughout my life.
It became clear to me, that when I was too young to notice any hostility towards my heritage or nationality, life had been easy, life had been good, everything had been possible, the sky had been the limit!
Consequently, this had to mean, if it had been my lack of self-worth, which had held me back for so long, my newly gained understanding and wisdom therefore meant LIFE REALLY IS GOOD, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE and THE SKY IS THE LIMIT!
And with that very moment, changes started happening in my life. I had reversed the way I was travelling on the spiral. I was no longer travelling down it, with the world closing in on me, tighter and tighter.
Instead, I am since then continuously travelling up higher and out into the world, a bit further each day! I now choose to be in charge of my life. I choose to be in charge of how I feel. I choose to be in charge of how I look. All the time, without fail! I now know I am loving, powerful, harmonious, happy and there are so many beautiful things about me, which are more than enough reason to love myself and for others to love me!
At first it was a bit challenging, it required discipline, so as not to fall back into old habits, but the longer I persevered, the more good things kept happening in my life! All the right things suddenly seemed to just come to me, without having to look for them. The right people started coming into my life, to help me on this new leg of my journey through life.
I couldn't believe the answer had always been so close to me and so very simple. I am so very grateful for the knowledge I acquired, which has enabled me to take control of my life, my happiness and my career and to follow my dreams once again, even if they are different dreams I am dreaming now.
My guess is, you once had big dreams, too and I also guess you lost sight of them at some point and let your dreams and ambitions give way to a life of doing what is expected of you, a life of compromises and a life of, well, just doing the average thing everybody else is doing, which is working to live and trying to keep on top of everything. Why am I so sure you know what I am talking about? Again, my guess is, you wouldn't have read on this far if you couldn't identify yourself with any of my story above. The fact that you have read this far, tells me, you too are desperate for a change in your life and you are willing to do what it takes to regain control and follow your true purpose in life, which is to be happy, harmonious and therefore truly successful!
And do you know what, you are in the right place. This is your turning point, right here, right now! Use it! It is your life! Live it, don't just survive it!
You too can completely transform your life with the help of a tool you already hold firmly in your possession - YOUR POWER OF THOUGHT!